ADHD Weekly, August 7, 2025

Question: My daughter has ADHD and feels left out at school. She has trouble picking up on social cues, and I can see the toll it takes on her self-esteem. How can I support her so she can improve her social skills and build stronger friendships?
—parent of a third-grade student

ADHD Information Specialist: I’m sure it is heartbreaking to watch your child feel left out because she struggles to pick up on social cues. You might see her avoid eye contact, hang back instead of joining in with other children, or be left out of peer groups. She may miss a signal when it’s her turn to speak or say something out of line without realizing it. Over time, these moments can make her feel isolated and damage her self-esteem. The good news is that she can learn to strengthen her social skills with practice, patience, and the right support.

“So many of the children I see in counseling have the same problem—feeling left out and lonely,” say Cathi Cohen, LCSW, a certified group psychotherapist. “Feeling alone and disconnected from peers is a distressing thing for a child to experience. And it’s not only the children who suffer. As parents, you also feel frustrated and hopeless at not knowing how to help your children make the friends they so strongly desire. Children affected by ADHD in particular have unique social challenges that frequently get in the way of acquiring good social skills.”

At home coaching

Social skills work like any other skill and kids can improve them at any age, says Caroline Maguire, MEd, PCC, an ADHD coach who specializes in social skills and writes a regular column for CHADD’s Attention magazine. Maguire recommends using reflective listening, open inquiry, and praise during daily conversations with your child. Roleplaying common situations, like joining a group game, starting a conversation, handling a disagreement, or advocating for herself, can help strengthen these skills. Practicing in low‑pressure settings, maybe the living room in your home, can help your child feel more confident before trying new skills in real‑life settings.

“The more your child becomes accustomed to this quality of conversation with you in everyday ways, the more you are prepping and paving the way for the coaching conversations and lessons ahead,” Maguire says.

Teaching your child small actions can make a big difference. Practice with her how to stand with open body language, make eye contact, and talk in a friendly tone. Help her look at the bigger picture and notice what is involved when a game is being played. Point out who is playing the game and specific social cues to be aware of during the game, like a classmate smiling, turning away, or stepping back. These strategies can help her read situations more accurately.

Using play to build empathy

Pretend play, imagination games, and storytelling can help your child practice problem‑solving, empathy, and emotional regulation. Scotty Iseri, one of the creators of the Imagine Neighborhood podcast, based on the evidence‑based Second Step program, notes that using stories and metaphors make big feelings easier to talk about.

“Using your imagination is a great gateway toward building empathy,” Iseri says. “By imagining how a character is behaving, you can really start trying to see things from someone else’s point of view.”

Encourage your child to use their strengths as a bridge to building friendships. If your child loves art, sports, building things, or playing board games, help them share those talents with other kids. These interests give your child a natural way to connect and build confidence—without feeling like they have to change to be liked. Teach your child to think of their strengths as their “superpowers.”

Feedback that works

When roleplaying with your child to develop social skills, avoid negative statements. Here are tips and examples of helpful and not-so-helpful comments you might offer your child as feedback for social skills:

Stay positive. Recognize and praise your child when they do something positive. This helps to encourage more positive behaviors in the future.

• Helpful: Awesome job sharing your dolls so well! Your friend really liked that.
• Less helpful: You shared your dolls, but then you really didn’t share your video games after that. You need to work harder on sharing the whole time.

Be specific. Your child needs to know exactly what behavior is expected.

• Helpful: If you lose you can say “good game” to the winner.
• Less helpful: Nobody likes it if you are a bad sport when you lose.

Stay in the present. This is especially important when you need to give negative feedback; your child can’t do anything about the past.

• Helpful: I think that Joey wanted to move his own pieces in the game. Next time, you move your pieces when it’s your turn and let your friend move his own when it’s his turn.
• Less helpful: You always move your guest’s pieces during games, and that’s wrong. You did that today with Joey, you did it the last time we had a playdate, too, and your teacher says this is a problem at school, too.

Celebrate progress

Maguire emphasizes the importance of “positive predictability,” meaning you “reliably respond in ways that encourage, illuminate, engage, and empower your child, cultivating her innate capacity to change and grow.” Praise specific actions, for example, by saying “I saw you join the group right away and that was so brave of you!” or “You kept great eye contact when you talked to them! I’m proud of you!” Connecting your child’s actions to positive outcomes will motivate them to keep going.

Learn more on teaching social skills:

• Parenting a Child with ADHD
• Using Structure and Guidance to Support Adaptive Behavior
• Raise Your Child’s Social IQ
• Watch: Help Kids with ADHD Build Social Skills and Resilience in a Digital World
• Watch: Excited and Engaged: Strategies and Solutions for Social Anxiety in Children and Teens with ADHD
• How You Can Be a Friendship Coach for Your Child with ADHD
• Listen: Healthy Peer Relationships

Join the discussion: What are some ways that you’ve helped your child develop social skills?